Crafting a Shared Pagan Path Part 1

Part 1: Discussion and Communication

My fiancé is a recent devotee of the Path. He made the decision over a year ago to explore, and recently decided on the term he'd liked to be called. He has begun reading the myths and stories of the old gods, as well as modern literature on pagan practice. He is exploring the Northern Tradition, though he does not consider himself Asatru, and does not feel it is his path at this time. This means he worships Germanic deities exclusively, recognizing the existence of all gods and holds the same pagan-gnostic principle that I do: while each god is separate and distinct, at some level they are the reflections of the same force.

We have begun developing a shared path, and it has been difficult and worthwhile in many ways. This is our way of establishing a family system, a structure we can raise our children in while still allowing them the freedom of expression.

I don't know what you call me. I'm eclectic, that's for sure, and I've had a few conversations with various deities of different pantheons (Greco-Roman and Norse specifically) and I conduct my practice in much the same way I did when I was content with the "Wiccan" label. I'm not sure I care much either way what I'm called.

I'd like to spend some time with this blog talking about the development of our religious life, as separate from and a part of our more mundane relationship. To do this I will break up all the ideas in my head, focusing on one or two subjects at a time. This time I'd like to focus on the importance of communication.

You absolutely cannot have a relationship that is healthy of any kind without communication. Communication is the only way you can let each other know what is working and what is not working. This can be difficult when you're working with your partner, because you don't want to offend them or hurt them.

Ask questions. Ask your partner to share what spiritual experiences with you they will. Ask them about their thoughts on issues related to morality, ethics, theology, practice, etc. Learn where your ideas meet and where they differ. Talk about these.

Through asking questions you can come to a decision together about when you will worship together, how you will worship together, who you will worship, and work together to establish a ritual structure that is meaningful to both of you.

Communication helps establish boundaries as well. Will you share all your spiritual experiences? Will you share a Book of Shadows/magical journal (if applicable)? Will you each have separate ones and one joint one? Who will write rituals? Who will lead rituals? When will you worship together, and when will you worship individually?

It is important to have moments of private worship, reflection, meditation, whatever helps you to feel spiritual. You are a person separate from your partner, and just as you need mundane time apart on occasion you need spiritual time apart as well.

Through discussion, my partner and I have:

1. Established which holidays we will celebrate. This means the standard Wheel of Eight, for me, the full moons, and other holidays he explores that have meanign for him.

2. Established ritual work. We use the Wiccan structure in general. I act as teacher, at this moment, and it is what I am most comfortable with. We include that which is important to him, including sacrifice/gift-exchange, blot/sumbel, toasting, etc.

3. We write rituals together. He wants to learn how I do it, and I want him to feel comfortable eventually writing his own. We work together to determine readings and other important aspects of ritual.

4. He happily takes the role commonly assigned to the H.P.

5. Determined we enjoy the presence of friends and other interested parties.

6. Have decided together who we will be out-of-the-broom closet with, and how we will answer questions together.

7. Established that on occasion there will be individual experiences and worship times and we do not require or intrude on privacy. If we want to share, we will share, and there is no prying (though honestly there's very little we don't share).

8. Often teach each other things the other does not know.

So, in a nutshell, communication is very important before even getting into the details of all that goes into establishing a shared path. When one partner, like myself, finds themselves in the position of teacher, it is a fair bit easier to set structure. It is important to remember the other person will have their own experiences, and open-mindedness is key.

Talk to each other. Everything else will flow from there.

Next post should be a review of Michelle Belanger's book "The Ghost Hunter's Survival Guide"

Children who Dabble

I cannot count the number of times I have heard stories about teenagers and children dabbling in the occult that had "demonic experiences", later used as excuses for doing or not doing certain things. I've thought long and hard about this, and I have a theory. Let me begin with a story.

[edited for privacy; story involves demons summoning via ouija]

I have never, in all the 10+ years I have been involved in such activities, encountered a demon, had anything violent or negative summoned from a Ouija board or other talking board. Frankly, I've never bothered with trying to contact anything like that either. The worst that's ever happened is a spirit appeared, called itself a demon, and when confronted with the fact it was not a demon began to swear and say nasty things to the girls (myself including) using it. Hardly a scary Anubis-demon.

Let's proceed to my theory.

What is a Ouija board?

There is a great deal of information on talking boards if one wants to look. What follows is my experience. Ouija boards and other such tools act as gateways. The inexperienced user does not have the necessary skill to control what comes through. Any tool can be used like this, whether tarot, runes, or spirit board. With a weak mind and inexperience, you cannot control what happens.

This is of course presuming innocent curiosity. Should the noob attempt to use such a tool with the intent to summon something nasty, there are two things that can happen: either they will succeed (highly unlikely), or they will be so afraid they'll imagine it happening. Think of it like this: you have been raised an extremist Mormon. You have been taught these things will open doors. You will associate any experience with Satan. This will lead to demons. You saw a demon at the foot of your bed.

Why do children dabble?

Children dabble because of curiosity, because of rebellion, because of peer pressure. Whether it is magic, tarot, or Ouija boards, some children are just willing to explore. Children raised to believe that these things are inherently evil or open doorways to evil will interpret all experiences in this way. Imagination will take over, and suddenly everything from Satan himself to Jesus will appear.

Why do children seem to have worse experiences than adults?

In anthropology we have the concept of the "liminal" state. This is a state between states, where you are not quite apart of either world/ state of being and are in-between. During the period of say, a rite of passage, the initiate is no longer a child but is not yet an adult. Modern American society doesn't have rites of passage as a whole any longer. We are not taught the mysteries and secrets from one phase of life to the next. This leaves us with a hunger, and many children, stuck in the liminal state that is puberty, are looking for ways to sate it. Someone in this type of state is incredibly open to spiritual forces, both positive and negative and without proper framework and guidance can find themselves in all sorts of predicaments if they dabble. Think about poltergeists: often occur around prepubescent children and tend to disappear when they grow older. Puberty is a fascinating spiritual time.

I was taught tarot from childhood. I have always been taught how to discern what was good from what was bad, and the training (albeit unofficial training) kept me safe. Most children do not have this.

Adults are resistant to anything new, whether a new language or something spiritual. An adult using a Ouija for the first time with few, if any, preconceived notions will be less likely than a teenager to experience something at all with these kinds of tools. An adult racked with guilt at using something like this, will experience things and they will likely be bad.

Why do people see demons or gods from other religions?

In the case of my friend, he was likely taught (as most Christians and Mormons are) that the gods of other religions are demons; don't you think if you'd been reading or learning about other deities your subconscious training from your religious tradition would have them appear in the most frightening forms possible? Why this particular god? Perhaps if there was an entity that visited it sensed fear and decided to exploit that fear and appeared in the form it knew would frighten him. It is possible that the god *** himself showed up, perhaps as a warning in dabbling with the dead or for protection, and the boy interpreted his presence as evil and something to be feared. Perhaps as an adult he simply saw an image which made sense to him and projected that onto the past. When confronted with the obvious falseness had to create something else or his experience would mean nothing. Or perhaps he invented the entire thing, to explain his fear and guilt or just to get attention.

What about teens who experience good things?

Well these stories are fewer and far between among children not raised in households that do not fear or mistrust these types of tools. I imagine that the children who dabble and receive good experiences probably were not seeking something dark, and had good intentions. They may have subconsciously known what to do to protect themselves.

Conclusions:

All tools are neutral. If your intent is to conjure up something evil, you will. If you are afraid, that fear will exploit you and you will imagine negative things happening, or things that happen will be interpreted in a negative context. Ignorance breeds fear: educate yourself before using any tool. If you are from a religious traditions that emphasizes fear, the power of evil (especially through such tools) do us all a favor and don't dabble okay? You're giving the rest of us a bad name.

Back to my friend…

If it is not false, this young man dabbled in something he shouldn't have, without proper education and without knowledge. His ignorance (while not entirely his fault of course) led to misinterpretation of the experience, and in his present context he sees it as the god of another religion.This does not mean I don't love him, and doesn't mean I don't believe he experienced something. I do believe he did. I just do not believe it happened the way he remembers it, and I do believe some misinterpretation happened. I am sorry he feels such fear, and I wish there was something I could do to ease it.

Most teenagers engaging in these types of behaviors or running around calling themselves Satanists are ignorant. They don't know what they're exploring, what they're talking about, or even what the basic tenets of the religion the claim to follow are. What can we call a dark fluffer? A Fluffy Bat?

It takes ceremonial magicians years and years of training and study to summon demons. What evidence is there that a child with no training at all could do so intentionally? I do not believe in demons, but I believe there are negative entities that will exploit fear and will do so in the most efficient form, which for dabbling Christian children is usually demonic.

Don't dabble in things in which you have education. If you're going to dabble, protect yourself and learn all you can about whatever it is you're exploring.

The urban legends and silly stories about demonic encounters with magic, tarot, and Ouija boards especially will probably never end. The least we can do is attempt to refute and educate.

Pagan Wedding Planning: Making a Witchy Dress

So my dress is far from witchy, but it's quite fairy tale-esque.

So how can you bring witchy/pagan elements into a relatively "normal" wedding dress? Here are a few things I'm considering:

1. Blessing Spells: Since I won't be performing spells or obvious ritual work at the wedding itself, I plan on doing some similar spells and rituals on my dress. If you choose to do something like this just be sure to keep away anything that could stain or damage the dress in anyway far away from it.

2. Charms: I'm also considering sewing charms into the dress. This could be either literal jewelry charms or the spell kind, stitched into the dress in either obvious or not so obvious places, like the underskirt. If I do this, I will probably put runes to match our handfasting cords.

3. Jewelry: This is more easily done. A little pentacle necklace or carefully chosen stone can give the right elements. I would like to wear a circlet, I think, with Celtic knotwork.

I think anything chosen with intent can serve a magical or witchy purpose.